Do you remember last week when we complained about welcome events in August heat & humidity? I standby it was miserable for a good cause, but can we go back to that? Can we please go back to swag bags & stickers, QR codes & melted popsicles, bug spray & Liquid IV?
Do you remember 2 weeks ago when I found the perfect lavender diffuser for our student center? And I sadly said, “They need all the zen we can offer after the number of deaths on our campus last school year.”
Do you remember how excited I was last Tuesday when Costco had my students’ favorite blue Gatorade?
Do you remember when a student at the street festival & asked, “So your church group really does welcome everyone regardless of sexual orientation or pronouns?”
Do you remember the laugh we had in the office last Thursday because the swag company accidentally sent us a Bonsai Tree pruning company’s mugs?
Do you remember how happy I was to have the 50% off coupon for pizza Wednesday night?
Do you remember how we debated charcuterie or dessert for our new student event this week & decided to offer both?
Do you remember when we said students deserve at least one semester free from tragedy, grief & trauma?
You remember. Of course you remember.
After all, as Elie Wiesel declared,
“God is God. Because God remembers.”
So you remember the horror of Monday’s UNC shelter in place alerts.
You remember when calls weren’t going through for a while.
You remember how brothers waited to hear from sisters, spouses waited to hear from their beloveds, parents waited to hear from children, colleagues waited to hear from other departments, & friends waited to hear from childhood besties.
You remember how some students hid on top of toilets for 3 hours. And you remember how others hid under tables with strangers.
You remember how many of our prayers were more cussing in tongues than eloquent devotion.
You remember the agony & relief of, “The suspect is in custody.”
You remember the parents who rushed to pick up their students & students who wished someone would come rescue them.
You remember the students who ate cookies in sanctuaries & those too paralyzed by fear to go to a dining hall for dinner.
You remember students, faculty, & staff who asked, “Is our campus next?”
You remember professors turned first responders who said, “This is not why I became an educator.”
You remember how we were already weary & just trying to have a good start to the semester.
We remember you promised a day when mourning & crying & pain will be no more.
We remember we live in a country seemingly alright with violence, hatred, racism & preventable death occurring on any given day that ends in y.
We remember each time before when we thought surely this tragedy will be what changes things. Surely killing children in school around Christmas will be enough to change laws. Or surely killing children in school on Ash Wednesday & Valentine’s Day will be enough to change laws. Or surely killing shoppers in a grocery store will be enough to change laws. Or surely killing football players will be enough to change laws.
We remember the moment we realized Monday’s preventable tragedy at UNC will likely not change any laws either.
We remember how infuriating, maddening & numbing that thought continues to be.
We also remember we have the privilege of having a front row seat to the liminal space life changes that college-aged students go through every semester.
We remember we are the keepers of secret crushes & writers of reference letters.
We remember we are the givers of advice & travel guides who take students to see the sunrise in Bryce Canyon.
We remember we will be asked yet again over Doritos, “Why do horrible things happen?”
We remember we’ll yet again think about fancy theodicy & theology of evil banter, while responding, “I don’t know.”
We remember, God, yours is the first heart to break.
So we’ll restock the coffee, buy more Kinetic sand, & remember to tell students that, too.
-Rev. Ashley-Anne Masters, Director
PCM Raleigh
August 29, 2023
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